4 Reasons You Might Be Holding Onto Resentments and How to Let Them Go

Letting go of resentments is one of the hardest but most rewarding lessons to learn. Once you take that step, you’ll unlock a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life. But why is it so difficult to let go? Often, it’s because of behaviors or thought patterns we don’t even realize are holding us back.

Here’s a breakdown of four key reasons why resentment might still have a grip on you—and how to move forward.

1. Focusing on the Negative

Resentment often stems from negative experiences, like missing out on an opportunity or feeling slighted. It’s easy to fixate on the frustration, but this mindset can block you from seeing any positives that might have come out of the situation.

For example, did a friend get a role you desperately wanted? While it’s natural to feel disappointed, it’s also an opportunity to celebrate their success and remind yourself that more opportunities will come.

Try this: Write down the positive outcomes of that situation. Did it motivate you to improve? Did it deepen your relationships with others in the same field? Shift your focus to these positives whenever resentment rears its head.

2. Bottling Up Your Emotions

If you’re holding everything inside, it’s hard to address what’s really going on. Processing resentment starts with recognizing your feelings and expressing them in a healthy way.

Talk to someone you trust, whether it’s a friend, family member, or professional. Sometimes even the act of sharing how you feel can lighten the load. Not ready to talk? Engage in a calming activity, like running or journaling, to help work through your emotions.

3. Dwelling on the Past

Resentments are rooted in past events, but constantly replaying those memories only keeps the resentment alive. Moving forward means shifting your focus from what happened to what’s ahead.

The next time a memory stirs up resentment, consciously replace it with a positive thought. It could be a goal you’re working towards or a moment of gratitude. The more you do this, the easier it becomes to stop dwelling.

4. Struggling to Practice Empathy

Forgiveness requires understanding. When someone’s actions hurt you, it can be hard to see things from their perspective. But stepping into their shoes can help you let go of resentment.

Ask yourself: “If I had been in their position, what might I have done?” Empathy doesn’t excuse hurtful actions, but it can make room for forgiveness by reminding you that everyone makes mistakes.

Breaking Free of Resentment

Letting go of resentment is a journey, not a quick fix. It involves recognizing the habits that keep you stuck and actively working to release them. As you take these steps, you’ll discover that forgiveness is as much about freeing yourself as it is about letting go of the past.